They say that crying your heart out
Doesn’t change a single thing
But isn’t that what everyone has in mind
When they cry?
- time will tell (1998)
Moving, moving, lots of moving, airports, airplanes, being in airplanes is fun, I’m embarrassed because I’m not allowed to pee on the side of the road, I’m happy because I got a complimented on how well I use scissors, I was told and used to believe that if you blew your nose all your brains would come out, when I bite into a sandwich my loose baby teeth wiggles around and it hurts, suddenly getting sad at my own birthday party and sitting in the corner by myself, extra sad because I made them worry, adult arguments, adult conversations, the voices of adults laughing, I love Mommy, Mommy’s scary, I love Daddy, Daddy’s a liar, I wish I could disappear, calming down when I’m underneath the table, frustrated, Mommy’s stage costumes being in the house, a vivid magenta dress, gold high heels, a big sparkly jewel, the taste of red Dior lipstick, watching Mommy’s entire concert from the side of the stage, amazing sounds, lights, darkness, concentration, heat, Mommy looks like she’s crying, she’s looking at the audience, she’s not looking my way…
When we went out together, it seemed as if my mom was always really bothered when people realized she was Fuji Keiko. She looked a bit hurt. All that made me think was that being famous is awful. Lots of people would gather around us for various reasons, and I hated those people.